The stream of consciousness
Almost a year since my last post and I have just realized it. I spent my last year literally running from home to the office and back. A year! How did it happen? The only thing I know is that I got more and more tired every day and I knew I was going to quit soon. So I did. I quit my job – again – and guess what? Inspiration has finally come back.
It’s not only about the job though. In the past year, but even longer than that, I didn’t write nearly as much as I used to before. Something was wrong and it has been for a long time. So I stopped pretending and I decided to wait until I cleared my mind, and time passed.
You see, I started my blog 8 years ago. Anything can happen in 8 years – I moved from Italy to Egypt, the revolution happened, then I had a bad car crash and moved back to Italy, then Honduras, then back to Italy. And by then I was a completely different person already. I came back to Italy almost 5 years ago and only now I am starting to feel “like myself” again.
I settled down. I bought a home and I worked in a company for more than 4 years – something that never happened to me before. In the meantime I questioned everything, like why am I doing this and didn’t I say I would never stop travelling? But hey I am free to do whatever I want right? I still get to travel once or twice a year. But is this enough?
There was something else. The blogging scene has changed a lot, obviously, since I started my blog. So not only I wasn’t blogging anymore and I wasn’t the same person as back in 2010, I was also looking at other people starting new blogs with lots of fresh ideas and big success and feeling like… an impostor? Impostor, me? But why? Am I an impostor because I don’t get as many pageviews anymore, and I don’t post as much, and I don’t get as many likes on my Facebook page? Am I an impostor in the blogging scene because I don’t post happy pictures all the time, and because I don’t even feel happy all the time? Is there something wrong with me, what should I do about it?
With all these questions on my mind I didn’t do anything and kept waiting… This is so me. Now though I know the problem was that I had the wrong questions. I am shaking my head as I write. The point is I should never allow myself to measure my worth by looking at what happens on the web anymore. I grew up in a family of travellers and I have always travelled a lot even before the internet was a thing. I am not an impostor. Whether I choose to write about my trips or not, that doesn’t change my knowledge and skills as a traveller.
Believe me, it is as hard in real life as online for me to lie so I chose to wait. I am glad I waited until I found the words I needed to write this post, and in the meantime I asked myself what I wanted to do with my blog. I knew I didn’t want to close it – I always knew that my website was one of the best things in my life – but I have changed, so something would have to change on the blog too. I reflected. I know I am not the best writer in the world, well, I am not a native English speaker after all. Ok then, I told myself, let’s focus on travel related information and inspiring photography. I can do that.
The real life
All of the above happened in my head. In real life though, this is what happened in the last year or so.
Last things first: I just got the news that I am going to Guyana (more about this soon!) on a press trip next week. What a great comeback to the blogging world! Also, as I mentioned before, I quit my job less than a month ago and since then I am getting all the coolest job offers I didn’t even dare dreaming about before.
I know I did the right thing.
So I am going back to what I call life – don’t get me wrong, I met many people who told me they would never do what I do and they would never leave their job and would never do a job that is not in an office. Good for you. Really, in a way I envy you. You know exactly what to do and that is so lucky! I am 35 and have no clue what I will do “when I grow up”. I just know I need to keep learning new things and I need to express my creativity, otherwise, as my good friend Giovanna once told me, “after 6 months you will die”. These words have stayed with me for years now.
Work-wise here is what I’m up to at present: well, I’m back to blogging; I got a tour leader licence so I am legally qualified to lead tours in Italy and abroad (more about this soon!); I work for an IT company; I teach English; I work as a photographer (travel, sports, still life, on and off stage music, etc) and just recently I started working as a video maker too. So exciting.
Bad stuff that happened in 2018
At my desk I got a lot of weight. I don’t even recognise myself anymore, I didn’t and I don’t want this to happen to me! I signed up for Crossfit, kept going for about a year, only to realize that I struggled to find the time and energy to attend classes, and finally surrendered. I feel bad about this every day so eventually I will start a diet and go back to Crossfit and the problem will be fixed.
Good stuff that happened in 2018
I finally got a boyfriend which was completely unexpected and to be honest I was giving up after so many failures, but he’s definitely the best thing that happened this year. You will meet him soon. Other than that as I mentioned above there are some really cool projects in the air, however it’s still too soon to spill the beans. As usual, stay tuned!
After this very personal post I will be back soon with new travel related posts. Next destination is Guyana, then Madeira (Portugal). And then who knows? Let’s find out together.
Thanks for reading.