Do you know what a breaking vertebra sounds like? Sounds like it changed my life!
As some of you already know, almost 1 year ago I had an accident and I got a spinal fracture. It was April 14th, 2010. A day I will never forget, as well as the following 4 months… and I am still recovering.
I have the feeling that in the exact instant where I felt that awful crack, my life changed in so many ways. And all of these ways are just positive. After all I am thankful to this accident, even if I will keep its consequences on my body forever.
My first scan after the accident
First of all I must thank the long period of inactivity that followed that sad (painful!) event because that is when this blog saw the light… and still gives me lots of joy and satisfaction.
But even on a more spiritual side, there have been many consequences. By the time I had that accident, I really hated myself in so many ways. It was an awful time of my life. I had so much bullsh*t in my mind, I was creating problems out of nowhere, and I saw myself as an ugly and useless person. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
That’s why now I see my spinal fracture as a blessing: when I was laying on my back waiting for the helicopter to take me away, I had that awful thought “what if I will never walk again?” – not nice, I tell you. Luckily that was not the case. But that helped me understand that I just had to be grateful to have a “working” body, no matter the extra pound or stupid concerns I had before.
So how does all this come to Buddhism? Simple. I started to feel that what happened to me was a clear sign and made a lot of sense. I started to believe in this, and felt like I wanted to convey this belief in a spiritual way. You know, the “everything happens for a reason” mentality.
Then one day I was talking about this with a friend. He’s Buddhist, and after carefully listening to my story he suggested me to try and convey my spirituality into Buddhism practice. He gave me a small book “Happiness on Earth”, where I found the principles of Buddhism. And then I started practicing.
Buddha - Bright Hill Temple, Singapore
At the beginning it all made a lot of sense. I felt great. I was recovering and my self confidence was high as never before. I have always been very spiritual and I finally found a philosophy that suited me so perfectly. What more could I ask for?
Then I started having some issues. To practice Buddhism I was told I had to chant for about 30 minutes twice a day. Better in the morning. Commitment issues… I would never set my alarm clock to wake up early to pray. And if I didn’t pray I would feel guilty. Not the way to go… But anyway, I tried to do my best and went on for a while.
Shortly after the conversation with my friend and my “conversion” to Buddhism, I moved to Cairo – I believed I could find a Buddhist center or community to pray with. No way… Until now, after more than 6 months, I didn’t find any. Plus, this is a harsh place for religions other than Islam and Christianity to be practiced openly. At least this is how I feel. I didn’t feel comfortable praying my chant on the Arabic school in the lunch break… you know. They must have thought I was completely out of my mind.
I came to the point that I was in Dahab and had a prayer session on Skype with my friend… with unstable internet connection and all that. Stressful enough.
The room where I chanted Daimoku on Skype. Dahab, Egypt
So I started to think that ok, that was not the right time to start practicing Buddhism. I need to learn a lot before, I can’t do it myself… I could probably do it in Egypt if I weren’t a “beginner”. So I went back to my state of “no religion but a lot of spirituality” and I’m waiting for the right moment to start all over again – yes because I am not religious but I think that if I had to choose I would probably go for Buddhism.
When I was in Singapore and visited the real Buddhist temples, I felt like I would have spent more time there to learn more about this philosophy… and ultimately decide if adopting it or not.
Bright Hill Temple, Singapore
I still feel like I want to convey my spirituality into a philosophy… and this is something I will do when I’m in Asia. I won’t go much for the beach parties and drink buckets… but for a rather spiritual journey looking for the meaning of many things in life… and possibly I will come back (will I?) with a new vision of life.
I just realized that I don’t want to choose my religion that easily. In order to understand what I’m doing I have to study a lot, travel, see where it all comes from, and then perhaps decide to convert myself. In case you’re wondering, I was born Christian Catholic but I don’t practice nor believe in that God anymore.
Buddhism, don’t get me wrong, you have all my respect and I believe you’re awesome. It’s just not the right time. But I will be back : )
Is there any Buddhist out there? I’d like to know if you converted to Buddhism and how it all happened! Not Buddhist? What’s your relationship with religion? I know it’s a rather personal question, but if you feel like answering it will be nice to read : )
Follow me on Instagram at 
22 Comments
My relationship with religion has been a rocky one. My family are devout Mormons and well, you can tell that I am not. More power to them though! I am glad they have found something that makes them happy. I am also in the mindset of being spiritual but still searching for something that will make *me* happy. We shall see!
Mormons, well I don’t know much about them so I don’t know how it works “exactly” – but I can’t even tell I know much about Catholic Christianity (*my religion*) after all.
Erica, as they say in Egypt… hanshuf! (we’ll see!) – I think in this kind of things there must be no rush : )
Religion is such a hard issue to deal with. Well, to the most people who don’t have one or struggling in between. It has been and It will, I assume. I have deep interest in religion because it’s another tool to understand culture and people eventually. I’ve been to Mosque, Buddhist temple, Christian church, Catholic church, and all sort of little religious places but I don’t think I found my calling yet.
I don’t think we ‘should’ have one but sometimes we are looking for greater something. But the point is I don’t think I’m ready yet, like you said. I need to learn more, explore more. That’s the exactly why I travel. Everything is connected to travel, after all. :)
Great point chica!
Religion is so interesting yet so hard to understand and “follow” if you start comparing them… and you can never stop learning!
But one day I’m sure everything will make sense and I’ll find my way. It’s not *that* important, it will come when it’s the right time, I am sure : )
And in the meantime… more travels! Yayyy : )
Sometimes I feel like I need a little something extra in my life, sometimes I’m totally ok without it. I basically consider myself agnostic. I’m from Alabama, so I was raised protestant Christian (Baptist) as a child, but my mom is not much of an active church-goer anymore either, and I haven’t been to church regularly since I was like 10 or 11 (she still believes in the Christian God though). I stopped believing in that god a long time ago, and throughout college I was sort of wondering if I needed something else. I consider myself a scientist and logically, I know that the Bible is just stories, but I don’t know about other ex-Christians, but I had a hard time not feeling like I was going to hell for a while once I decided for sure I really didn’t believe. Maybe that’s just the southern religious environment I was in. I have a few hardcore atheist friends that helped convince me otherwise and I also just try to avoid the hardcore Christians if at all possible now (a little hard to do in Alabama but I try).
I really am unsure of any supernatural existence (I lean towards no), but I think Buddhism is something I’d like to learn more about; what little I’ve read about it seems alot like something I would consider. I’m pretty ok with not having anything at the moment though; I’m a good person and I just decided that any deity who would punish me for using my brain to think rationally about things is kind of a jerk anyway.
Haha Kaylin, loving the last 2 lines of your comment : )
Yes, you made me feel that practices can still fit in our modern life… but not some concepts! Come on, when I was a child I was so scared of everything because I thought I might go to hell for any stupid reason (and I was still a child… what horrible sin could I ever do?!) – So thank you, but I am not gonna believe in something that basically scares the shit out of me and just makes me feel guilty on every single thing I do.
The process in between was harsh for me as well coz there is this phase in which you still think back to “this is right or wrong” or “what if I do this?” and then you realize it’s just some brainwashing you had when you were a child. Not sure about Alabama, but Italy is pretty tough on religion too – at least, when I was a child it was (some 20 years ago… ugh)
Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Kaylin! : )
Religion seems to be a dirty word these days however if you have a look at the basis of all religions, there is sound values of how to be a good human being and be happy in our life.
Can we not just take these values and leave the rest behind? Kinda of cheating I know, but some practises do not fit into modern day life.
I agree, many practices don’t fit in modern life and that’s one of the reasons why I “quit” Buddhism – not the only one though. I think that if I have a real motivation I will find the time for my practice : )
But again, we’ll see… and in the meantime I try to be a good human and live a happy life without hurting anyone : )
This was a lovely post, Giulia. So inspiring. I’m so sorry to read about that accident you had and I’m so happy you came out of it okay.
I dabbled in Buddhism from the ages of 17-20. I think that was a time in my life when I was trying to find myself and, in the end, I completely forgot about it because I had ‘issues.’ I know one of the fundamental elements of Buddhism is to let go of your desires (which makes sense because we shouldn’t all be driven by materialism and greed) but, at that young age, I saw it as ‘Well, I have desires. I want to do well in my life. I desire the ability to travel and work as an English teacher. I want this and that for myself.’
Buddhism helped me a lot when I left school and was trying to find out who I was. And, in a way, it really did help me become the person I am now. Because I dabbled in it and explored different ways of thinking, it helped me become the person I am today. :)
I became a Buddhist cause of my parents’ influence. They converted to Buddhism when I was around 7 years old. Before that, I had exposure to a different religion. I was sent to classes to learn Buddhism for several years. Nowadays, I enjoy Buddhism and practice and respect the philosophy (freedom of choice, assumption of responsibility). I almost never chant (laziness and lack of commitment). :D
Well, I think Buddhism is great, but still I don’t think we should influence our children in their choice when it comes to religion. That said, I am happy that you are enjoying your Buddhist life! Hope to do that too one day.:)
I am a Buddhist convert. I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school. However at the age of 17 I converted to Taoism and then to Buddhism. My conversion was very mental, me fighting myself and trying to discover my own path. There are many forms of Buddhism, and the Buddha himself told us to find our own path, don’t believe everything he tells you and discover on your own. I found my path and while I studied at a temple with people I loved, I have to say that the change came over me internally when I was ready. I no longer attend a temple but I meditate in my own meditative space, experience the joy of sangha with my family and friends, and live my life as best as I possibly can with right intentions. The wonderful joy I find in Buddhism comes from knowing that there is no one path. There are many paths that lead to the same place…enlightenment.
Oh yeah and feel free to contact me. :)
Furrealz? That’s mvarelosluy good to know.
I just have one question to ask, I was born Hindu, and was made to practice hinduism till i realized that it was not my calling. I started to read about the buddha and his teachings and i found myself to have a connection with the philosophy and the way of life. But, As a hindu in India, i have caste labels that people attach to me. As to being a “Bhrahmin” or a “Iyer”. If and when i convert to buddhism when i think i am ready, will these labels not exist anymore? I will not be indentified with the caste i was born to, or will i?
Hi Pooja
I went to work at the Nagarajuna Training Institute (Or Nagaloka as it is known locally). They offer training in Buddhism for people who used to be labelled as “dalit”. It seems that although you may choose to lose the labels others still put them on you. But as a Buddhist you practise your own development and acknowledge that you are not responsible for other people’s ignorance. Proceed and you will achieve wisdom and happiness, and even wish it for all those who currently have false views – even if they cause you to experience additional dukkha.
I don’t know if it Is too late for me to make a comment on this post but I thought I’ll just leave one to let you know I can understand where your coming from.
I’m a Nichiren Buddhist from London and I’ve been practicing for nearly 2 years now, I’ve seen a lot of ups and downs in my life and I can tell you I was far from disciplined in my practice.
Long Story Short, if you look at is as a chore it isn’t going to appeal to you, understand that this is a way of life which has been introduced to you. There is no rules in Buddhism that tell you have to chant for a certain time. It’s about the self so once you research and study you will realise a lot about yourself aswell as the universe around you.
I hope this has been helpful for you or anyone interested in Buddhism. Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo
Thank you very much for your comment, Wayne (I guess this is your name?). It took me some time to understand that being ‘forced’ to pray was definitely not the right interpretation/approach to Buddhism. I am now in the studying phase before I take any decision. :)
oooh! looks like I missed you and you have now returned to Italy, if you were living in Maadi all this time – I’ll really kick myself! Sounds like you had an amazing time here. Hope you have completely recovered from your injury- does sound like a pretty scary event. As regards Buddhism – guess the bottom line is its up to us to prove the value or benefit of it in our own lives. Living by example. They say both faith and study are important. I feel even after many years of practicing Nichiren Buddhism still I have so much catching up to do in terms of study> getting the balance right is maybe the tricky part, both lend support to the other. Faith for example in the acceptance of the Buddhist principle that life is infinitely precious, and study to understand how that should be s, and how we are in fact all connected. Wishing you all the best.
Hey Patrick! Yes I was living in Maadi until a few months ago, well until I had the accident and I left. Too bad!
Maybe we can meet next time?
Really unique blog topic. I have always said that if I were to pick an organized religion, Buddhism would be it, you know with the karma thing, making merit, do no harm. All philosophies that I like to live by. I need to learn more, to commit to learning more. I don’t know if I will ever be Buddhist, but in the end it is not really the label. Its how you feel, what you think, and how you let it guide you in the life you want to lead, right? What it means to you.
Hi giulia,
I just saw your blog.You have converted to Buddhists .
I believe that is the most corrective thing that you have done in your life.
If you like to study more about Buddhism, the best place is Sri Lanka.
Because as you heard the Buddhism born in india. But as load Buddha told, it will remain in sri lanka.
You can find great info via below link.
http://english.mahamevnawa.lk/
I have added an fake email sorry for that.