I’m home, I’m safe, I’m ok. Everybody asks me “how are you?” – Most of the time I say “I’m ok”. Yes, I’m ok. I was not hurt, I was not arrested, I was not beaten up. I just inhaled some tear gas but not as much as other people did.
So why am I feeling so down? I miss Cairo, I miss my friends, I miss my habits, I miss my life. But there’s something more.
I guess that until I was in Egypt I was keeping my nerves… but now I am realizing what I went through and I’m breaking down a bit.
I went outside yesterday, and as soon as I reached the street I had the instinct of checking if there was danger. I sat in a cafe to drink a coffee and a guy came in with a box, and dropped it on the floor. The sound made me jump. And so on.
Every loud sound I hear is a gunshot or a tank approaching. Every voice a little louder than usual is a riot coming.Last night I dreamt of looters stealing my money and throwing rocks at me. The image of the Qasr el Nil Bridge with the police shooting tear gas on people is like engraved in my eyes, as the sound of the shootings is still in my ears.
Here is a super-low-quality video I took… (if you can’t see please just reload the page)
I went to the oculist because I had a pain in my eyes and he said the tear gas burnt some cells, but I will be fine in a week or so.
I am writing this because maybe it will help me relieve myself. I’d like to hear from other people who had a similar experience, and see if I’m just too sensitive or it’s normal, and I’ll be fine soon.
I am now in this calm, muffled world, maybe I am just still carrying some chaos within me.
Ok, ok, I’ll write about something else next time : ) Thank you for listening and for the amazing support you are giving me these days. Lots of love.