Long Term travel + relationships = uh oh

Yes, “uh oh” – It’s just the right word!

Every self-respecting long term traveler knows what I’m talking about. Ok, I’m a girl, maybe I’m “slightly” more sensitive than you guys, but come on, we all came across this matter sooner or later.

Unless you are one of those super lucky people who travels with a partner you might be a solo traveler like me. And solo travelers meet tons of people everywhere and all the time… “at their own risk“.

Ok, I’m not only talking in general but also about what I think about this matter. Personally, I love to travel on my own, and one of the reasons I travel is that I don’t like bonds – permanent contracts, house mortgages, stuff like that. There’s no boyfriend waiting for me at home and I can enjoy my freedom without missing my significant other. I know what you’re thinking about but talking about freedom I just mean I can travel and stay away from home as long as I want… you nasty minds!

But of course things happen. We are young and we are free (well, unfaithful assholes are out there too, unfortunately) and we might just like each other. And you know the rest.

I don’t think a long term traveler is looking for “Mr/Miss Right” while traveling – that’s called masochism. Before departure I was so committed to staying single, because starting a story and then leave hurts and screws up the whole excitement of leaving. And at least “mission #1″ was accomplished.

But then you are on the road and again, things happen. It’s just part of the game. So… what happens next? People like me who are not that into one-night stands are in trouble! And your mind starts going through an interesting series of stages:

  1. Even if you try hard not to fall in love, it will definitely happen. Or at least you’ll have a billion crushes – “one in each place”.
  2. You can’t ask (demand) the other person to stay with you when he/she knows you’re leaving soon. Sometimes it’s even worse when you’re staying in one place for a few months and not just a few days, because you have all the time to grow fond or fall in love. And you try hard not to fall in love. Not easy.
  3. You hate yourself because you knew you were going to be hurt.
  4. But at the same time, you can’t stay single forever. I mean, we’re human beings! And come on, he/she is so hot!
  5. You start thinking that maybe you could find the perfect one who will just leave everything stranded and set sail with you. Ah – ah.
  6. In the blink of an eye you realize that’s not going to happen. Unless you’re very, very lucky. And you don’t really think you are. Usually you’ll end up with someone great but that hates traveling and has no desire to leave the Country.
  7. You feel lonely as hell!
  8. Consequent risk of fuck up is directly proportional to how lonely you feel. Uh – oh.

And when it’s too late because you screwed up already, how do you handle it? You can enjoy your relationship then you have to leave. What comes next? No promises. Usually, not a single word.

Crucial questions:

  1. Shall I text him/her (plz help me answering this one!)?
  2. Will he/she answer (anxiety!)?
  3. What’s the point in texting/emailing/wall posting/tweeting/whatever, if we’re not gonna meet again?
  4. How do I forget?

Well, I think that anyway traveling is a good medicine itself. It can be hard to forget someone, but thanks God you’re not going back to your daily routine: you’re moving on to great and new experiences, and this will surely help.

I mean, when we decide to leave we all know that a real love story is not likely to occur. We are prepared to it. We don’t really want one, right? So that’s just part of the game. Sometimes it sucks, because maybe you really like that person. But anyway time will tell. If you’re supposed to meet again things will work out the right way. And in the meantime your journey goes on...

As Bjork says

uncertainty excites me baby, who knows what’s going to happen?

you know that’s the main reason why you chose to travel. Don’t ever regret it!

Too much thinking is bad! - Pic taken in Long Island, NY

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12 Responses to Long Term travel + relationships = uh oh

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention travelreportage.com » Long Term travel + relationships = uh oh -- Topsy.com

  2. Jaime D. says:

    This was a funny post but yet very interesting and so true. I don’t know how I am going to be on the road. I assume it will be harder for me to meet other gay men but who knows. The only advice I could tell you is that time apart really heals all wounds and since you will most likely never to see the person again at least keep a friendship cus you never know.

    If you want free therapy go no further than to listen to Kelly Clarkson music. I love her to death cus of what she writes about, she has the same issues we do when it comes to relationship issues. Listen to MAYBE my fav song ever by any artist!!!

    • giuliadventures says:

      “I assume it will be harder for me to meet other gay men but who knows.” I KNOW! It’s going to be super easy! Lol. Enjoy it dude:)

  3. Erica says:

    Shaun and I are going to be traveling together but we have also been together for nearly 12 years. I couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to fall in love with someone on the road and have to go through that.

    I wish I could offer some advice!

  4. Jenny says:

    I can totally relate. When I went to South America I left my boyfriend at home. I backpacked for 5 months and it sucked because I wanted to be single on that trip… but was committed. After 4 years togeather we’ve decided to split ways. I want to travel, he doesn’t although we are great togeather. I’m excited about the new single life and getting to meet people on the road. After meeting a few more people, I know more what I’m looking for, but not gonna go looking for it. If it comes, it comes.

  5. Juno says:

    Uh oh!! There’s too much to think about. Every point has pros and cons, and just can’t make decisions!! I hear about these wonderful travel romances, and who doesn’t want that? I know I do. But it’s so hard. I don’t want to be ‘couple traveler’ right away, but I need an answer at least. Am I right?
    Hard to let it go, and hard to concentrate either.
    Wonderful job to put these thing through Giulia. Totally with you! You know I do… LOL!

  6. Ayngelina says:

    This made me laugh: I don’t think a long term traveler is looking for “Mr/Miss Right” while traveling – that’s called masochism.

    I broke up with my boyfriend of many years right before I started my RTW, he knew that relationships/crushes/random meetings were part of the travel and didn’t want to deny me that and I didn’t want him to just sit around and wait for me for a year. It made the most sense to us and I think it was the right thing to do.

    But that doesn’t mean there’s no drama. Even though we both see other people we talk all the time and there’s hope that we get back together when I return. There’s no easy way around love but as you said it’s all uncertainty so we just need to embrace it.

  7. sarah wu says:

    Wow, that is a lot to think about, but being single and not have bond is great when you’re experience all type of adventures in your life. My fiance like to swim and do rollercoaster or adventure type of fun. I can’t swim and I’m afrid of height and he gives up to do the stuff he likes when he’s traveling because I won’t go with him. Maybe single is better afterall when you’re traveling.

  8. Dhanraj says:

    as I always believe and say it to all… its just one life, live free! :)

  9. GirlonRaw says:

    You know this is a great post! I left Australia 5 years ago, not to be a solo traveller but in that time I have lived in 3 countries. When I got to my latest country, the plan was to stay for 2 years, do my contract then leave, without connecting to anyone romantically (which would then undo my plan).

    Here I am almost 3 years later, 5 months pregnant and married to the love of my life who I met after 2 weeks of arriving at that destination. And still living there! Crazy huh? Yeah we are human, and this is life. Roll with it.

    Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans!

    • giuliadventures says:

      Hey Robyn,
      this is such an amazing story :) congratulations with the baby and with finding the love of your life! Lucky you! :)

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